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Humming by ~ryu-son:iconryu-son:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Teen or Young Romance > Fixed


Today I woke up humming your song
And couldn't quite figure out
What rhyme or reason made it belong
To you, oh so devout

I was sitting alone in my seat on the bus
Pretending I was at sea
To find in my mental diologue 'us'
Was now worded as 'me'

I waste away my between-class-time
To pretend I wasn't waiting
And on my way I think of rhymes
And poems I am creating

Under watchful eyes I'm insecure
To show you how I feel
I fell for you, hook, line and lure
Please hold to the reel

I'll see you tomorrow upon the day
Unromantic, it may be
You have my heart in every way
I just hope you will see
©2008-2009 ~ryu-son
:iconryu-son:

Author's Comments

The last stanza is a lie, BTW. The rest is real. I try to keep things real, but I couldn't find anything real that would rhyme! D: So sue me! Lol...

But yeah. I'm still doing this :iconlemonsquares: thing. XD;;;

Uh... Have fun? Lemmi know if my rhymes such too bad. I was going to have an ABAC rhyme scheme but then the second stanza was just so perfect I changed it to ABAB. ^^;

Thanks, guys!
:heart:Ryu

Comments


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:iconsce-violinist:
~sce-violinist Apr 21, 2008, 6:20:43 PM
This is beautiful! Well done!

--
~You are your best thing
:iconnekomi-minosuke:
=Nekomi-Minosuke Apr 21, 2008, 6:49:38 PM
I love it! D:

I wish I could write poetry like this all the time ): Though I think it may take from my art... Eh. Either way. It's still awesome. :glomp::heart:

--
♥~Axel Of the New Mexico Organization XIII
I'm rubber, you're glue. How'd we get stuck like this?!
Come Join the ~Haseo-Silabus-fans!
Join my Kingdom Hearts Tattoo Contest!
:icononyxdemoness:
~onyxdemoness Apr 21, 2008, 6:50:19 PM
This is pretty, but when I read it out loud it sounded a little awkward. You have a very consistent rhythm within your stanzas, but each stanza has a rhythm unto itself that's a little jarring when you take the poem as a whole.

I loved it, though.

--
Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep loving, keep fighting.
:iconryu-son:
~ryu-son Apr 21, 2008, 6:50:32 PM
Thank you so much! And for the watch as well! :glomp:

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
:iconryu-son:
~ryu-son Apr 21, 2008, 6:51:10 PM
Eh, my art has been kinda limited to doodles as of late. Lol.
But than you so much!

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
:iconryu-son:
~ryu-son Apr 21, 2008, 6:53:02 PM
Thank you! I think I tried to hard in some places, myself. Thank you for pointing that out! :hug:

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
:icononyxdemoness:
~onyxdemoness Apr 21, 2008, 6:55:15 PM
You're very welcome. There's a reason I don't bother with things like 'rhythm' and 'rhyme scheme', and it's because I'm useless at them. Doesn't mean I can't help with others' troubles, though.

--
Your heart is a muscle the size of your fist. Keep loving, keep fighting.
:iconryu-son:
~ryu-son Apr 21, 2008, 7:01:26 PM
Yeah, I'm much better at 'open,' but I still like to try. :)

--
And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I'll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
'Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home
-Matt and Kim
:iconnekomi-minosuke:
=Nekomi-Minosuke Apr 21, 2008, 7:01:33 PM
Totally right, Mine has too, but I haven't really been doing much of anything lately X.x

And you're welcome! As lways xD :glomp::heart:

--
♥~Axel Of the New Mexico Organization XIII
I'm rubber, you're glue. How'd we get stuck like this?!
Come Join the ~Haseo-Silabus-fans!
Join my Kingdom Hearts Tattoo Contest!
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